A caffeinated commentary about pretty much whatever catches my fancy in the legal universe, delivered with both my lawyer brain and my dorky sense of humor.
Seeing as I had only 2 posts in November (I was the queen of starting a post and not finishing it this month - December resolution, I promise) I'm throwing out a bonus Thanksgiving Day inspired post. It's really original...
I’m Thankful For…
Co-workers who drop everything they’re doing to shove ideas around with me. Yes, there’s some shoving, just of the ideas though… and in a really good way that makes me argue smarter.
Will Ferrell movies that make me laugh when I’m bummed out.
Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit DVD edition
Vanilla Eggnog (the grown-up kind)
My family’s cheesecake recipe and the hand-me-down springform pan my mom gave me to make it in
A 40 pound black mutt who is afraid of a pillow falling off the couch
An 80 lb Weimeraner who carries his food bowl around all day like he’s a starving African child that needs a sponsor
My iPhone. I hate to be so materialistic but this thing is the real deal Holyfield. Like woah.
A mom who forgives me for forgetting her birthday
A dad who cares so much about my mom that he sends me a well-deserved scathing email for forgetting my mom’s birthday
A Grammy who teaches me over the phone how to seal my pie crusts so they don’ t ooze out the side “just like Mimi used to do it”
A brother whose passion for his profession (ski patrolling) is both admirable and inspiring
A brother whose understated sensitivity and bashful sense of humor can bring me (privately) to tears
A boyfriend who has the same qualities I admire and love about my brothers (but not in a weird creepy way).
Friends who will Facebook, Twitter and text me wherever and whenever but still meet me in person for a drink and dance like idiots (quasi-privately) so we all feel better.
A boyfriend who merely grins and shakes his head when I royally screw up the entire universe
My Corolla and its gas mileage that has helped the ruin of my finances rise from the ashes
My Northface Bionic jacket – it’s just really that amazing.
Gossip magazines: my escape from the all-too-often depressing face of the real world
Not having to do dishes (at least rarely anyways)
Learning to golf
Knowing how to ski
Amazing sunsets, anytime, anyplace.
My four-day weekend that I’m going to spend with friends, family, food and football that starts right….now.
Last Friday, I had a final uncontested divorce hearing in a county where I have never appeared before. I’ve been doing final hearings since pretty much my first week as a practicing attorney, they are quite simple, very scripted and, while it’s important to have an attorney there just in case anything is filed improperly or the judge has questions (other than the normal questions), in general, it doesn’t take a genius to do a final uncontested divorce hearing. I’ll be giving a quick, basic rundown of a final hearing after this, but what's a Wednesday before Thanksgiving entry without a little unsolicited personal advice?.
So back to the final hearing in strange court: I was SO nervous. And it wasn’t the strange court, (I’d been to strange courts before and have learned to just ask court staff in a friendly manner), and it wasn’t the case (the other attorney was sending a replacement, my client was fab and the other client wasn't even attending), it wasn’t even the judge (it’s a VERY simple final hearing, not much judge interaction). It was, wonder of wonders, my outfit. I like wearing black suits to court, they make me feel confident and lawyer-y, and I don’t know why, but they make me feel like I’m taken more seriously by other attorneys (a blog article for another day). I mean look at how great a black suit looks!! But my only clean black suit (um, yeah, I’m a pretty lazy drycleaner) had somehow been dragged out of the closet by the dog and cuddled in while he slept. We're talking an 87 lb Weimeraner (the one in the photo above) so this was no small wrinkle a little light ironing could fix. So my only options were non-black suits. I went with a tan one, nice enough, Brooks Brothers in fact, gift from my mom, but the whole morning I just didn’t feel ‘right.’ I felt rushed and awkward and nervous, all because of a stupid suit!! And that's pretty much the point of the story.
Moral of this Prologue: Appearance matters. It definitely matters to the people you encounter, but it also matters to you. If you’re feeling nervous about a court date (this is a law blog after all), a mediation session, or even a consultation with a client or lawyer, DRESS THE PART! It’s an oft-forgotten piece of advice but, as reporter Brian Fantana says in Anchorman: 60% of the time, it works every time.
Ok, so here’s your useful law portion of today’s article.
WHAT HAPPENS AT A FINAL DIVORCE HEARING
After a divorce has been settled, the parties agree on everything and sign and file all the documents, there is a final divorce hearing. There are essentially "3 Parts." The order in which these 3 parts occur depends on the judge. Also, sometimes the questions are asked by the judge, not the attorney. In the wild, wild, west of Massachusetts, the attorney for one party asks the questions but I have found that back east in ye olde Suffolk County of Massachusetts, the judge does the asking.
PART 1: Establishing the Marriage
(also referred to as “Establishing the Breakdown”)
Atty: State your name and address for the record, spelling your last name.
Client: {states name and address, spells last name}
Atty: And were you married to {Spouse’s name} on {date of marriage} at {place of marriage}?
Client: {assuming Atty got names, places and dates correct} Yes.
Atty: And did you last live with {Spouse} in {Place} on {Date}?
Client: {assuming Atty got names, places and dates correct} Yes.
Atty: And on or around {date} did an irretrievable breakdown of your marriage occur?
Client: {assuming what Atty said is true} Yes.
Atty: Can you describe the breakdown?
NOTE: This is NOT the part of the hearing where anyone gives a detailed account of the underlying facts of why the marriage REALLY ended. This is just a BRIEF, cryptic and vague description.
Client: We no longer could communicate and no longer had common goals {or something similar to that effect}.
Atty: And is there any hope for reconciliation?
Client: {if what Atty said is true} No.
Atty: And has there been any previous action for divorce, separate support, annulment or the like?
Client: {assuming what Atty said is true}: No.
Atty: Nothing further your honor.
PART 2: Summarizing the Separation Agreement
The judge then asks one of the attorneys to summarize the Separation Agreement. If the parties are unrepresented, the judge may summarize it him or herself, or may have already read the Separation Agreement beforehand (this is pretty rare).
PART 3: Judge's Questions
(The Colloquy)
After the judge understands the basic elements of the parties’ agreement, (s)he then asks both parties some questions. I will give you the basic questions, but each judge is a little different in their exact wording so this is really just a very simple and basic example of what to expect.
Judge: Did you both read this?
Parties: {if what Judge said is true} Yes.
Judge: Do you understand it?
Parties: {if what Judge said is true} Yes.
Judge: Did you sign it willingly and voluntarily?
Parties: {if what Judge said is true} Yes.
Judge: {if there’s an alimony waiver} This contains a permanent waiver of alimony. Do you understand that it would be very difficult, if not impossible, for either of you to seek alimony from the other in the future.
Parties: {if what Judge said is true} Yes.
Judge: You have each filed financial statements. Have you had the opportunity to look at each other’s financial statements?
Parties: {if what Judge said is true} Yes.
Judge: And do you feel that there has been full financial disclosure by the other party to you?
Parties: {if what Judge said is true} Yes.
Judge: Then I will find the marriage is irretrievably broken and grant you a divorce….HUZZAH!!!
Ok, so the Judge doesn’t really say Huzzah, but I needed a fancy ending. There you have it.
It feels like anyone and everyone is hammering home the idea that social media is THE marketing/networking future. I mean there are TONS of events JUST for social media! Forget that golf club membership, you better have a Facebook page. Don't buy someone a beer after work to get to know them, follow them on Twitter. I don't necessarily buy into the whole replacing personal interaction with social media bit, but it's definitely a force of technology, and of human interaction, that cannot be ignored.
A noticeable fallout of this is that I now know several people who have both a 'personal' and a 'professional' Facebook page/Twitter account. While sometimes it's about privacy (for example, I have a criminal defense attorney friend who would never want her clients to even know she has children, let alone look at 97 pictures of them on Halloween), more often than not, the underlying reason is that people don't want to have to worry about whether they might offend a client/business contact/colleague, etc. with their picture or status or what they're a "fan of".
This is all fine and dandy and I myself, up to now, have had two Twitter accounts (one 'personal' where I mostly follow and retweet sports dudes and comedians, and one 'professional' where I follow lawyers, local people, a few personal friends, etc.) and only a personal and very private Facebook page. On my Facebook, I have pictures of myself in {gasp!} civilian attire (see photo above), have often posted funny movie quotes as my status, largely from the Will Ferrell genre, and I love nothing more than sharing funny websites I find and even some truly hysterical quotes from the website Texts From Last Night (which is, by the way, one of the best ways to spend a 5-minute-let-me-regain-my-sanity break). Up until now, I kept everything private because I was always worried that I "might" offend someone (for example, someone unfamiliar with Ron Burgundy's words of wisdom). I also have, on occasion, posted some photos from some very legal, but a little crazy, nights out with friends that perhaps don't depict everyone involved in the best light.
The problem? I feel like if I set up a 'professional' Facebook now, it will just be a big, fat lie. NEWSFLASH: I AM REAL HUMAN BEING. I am not a 'hard seller' and I don't have over 500 friends on Facebook because of my important and informational status updates that plug my blog and my website (Ha!). The entire point of Facebook and other social media is to share yourself with others, and what am I without my real personality? If this is a real networking/marketing tool, then I have to just put myself out there, the real me, and know that if people don't like me because of my Facebook status, they probably wouldn't like me in "real" life either. I'm sarcastic, light-hearteded and incredibily fallible. I'm also a great lawyer. Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive?
So, after a little light editing of my photo albums (mostly for the sake of a certain favorite new bride friend of mine), I'm doing it. I'm taking my Facebook public. Well, not "public" (internet stranger creepers still skeeve me out) but I'm going to friend and be friended by not just old classmates and personal friends, but by anyone who wants to be "friends" with me. And if they see me playing with my little cousin on the beach or in the costume I wore for a charity event (yeah, I was a Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer, so what of it?) or living it up on the ski slopes. So be it. Because it's my real life experiences, my down to earth nature and ability to laugh at myself, that add so much to my legal skills (particularly in an area so entrenched in family entanglements and real life problems) . I would even dare to say that those personal qualities, combined with my legal skills, are what sets me apart as a great attorney (Toot! Toot!... That's me on my own horn, FYI)
It's just too hard to have a "secret","private", personal life that there really wasn't anything wrong with to begin with. I play Wii, I go to Red Sox games, I eat deep fried cheesecake at the Big E, and I have a Guinness after the local breakfast on St. Paddy's Day (along with the entire rest of City of Northampton) why wouldn't this make me a MORE desirable family law attorney? Someone who knows and enjoys what real life is like? Pshaw! Who would want that?!
I guess the biggest reason for me ending this duplicity, is that people can tell when you're fake or holding back and that defeats the entire purpose of building real relationships through social media.
I'm a practicing family law attorney in Massachusetts who lives in New Hampshire. This causes me to live a life of constant contradiction (The Commonwealth of Borderline Socialism vs. Live Free or Die)
As the name implies, I do have an insatiable need for all things caffeinated. I am notorious in my office for having no less than 3 coffee mugs on my desk at any given moment. I once lost my keys between my car and a coffee shop entrance...I had thrown them away in the trash on the way inside instead of the empty cup in my hand. Apparently, I can't even purchase coffee without having my coffee first. Healthy? Probably not. Reality? Ayep.
